I've never been great at making new friends. I'm painfully shy. But I could do it. And I wanted to.
And now.
My baby has been dead for 4 months. It's is part of every thought I think. Sometimes I say it, sometimes I don't.
Nicole had a playdate at her house today and a girl came that I had never met before.
She asked if Mischa was my only one. Yes... that true.
We were talking about pediatricians and I was saying how we hadn't found a new one. And part of the reason for that was that I had been pregnant. But I didn't say that. Then I regretted it.
Then we were talking about in-laws. And then I did say how things had been harder with them since I lost the baby.
Just a few minutes after that we all left.
I want to say "Hey, I was smart and funny and could carry on a conversation but then my baby died and now I'm a wreck."
Or sometimes I just want to say "Hey, my baby died."
I'm going (maybe) to Ria's on Friday. Megan invited me to come back pies with them. Ria has Cat's footprints on her arm. I asked her about them and I wanted to say I want to get something like that for my deadbaby. But she doesn't know about my deadbaby and I didn't know how to say it.
