Thursday, February 17, 2011

11 week appt. Etc.

My appt was a week ago. So I'm 12 weeks today. I never even wrote anything about my other appts...

Intake: Uneventful. She said "and this is your 3rd pregnancy..." a few too many times but it was okay. Told me I'd get a viability scan that I didn't end up getting. Gave me paperwork about blood tests, etc.

First appt (7 weeks): Saw Dr, had an exam, pretty much just told me I'd get stuff at my next appt. I did get the Rx for my doppler, so all in all, it felt like a good appt.

11 weeks: Saw Mary b/c Dr was on vacation. I was very nervous about that but it ended up being okay. Maybe even better than seeing Dr. Like she kept talking about sending me to see Dr Steiger and stuff. Doppler. I was terrified that she wouldn't find a heartbeat - not necessarily that the baby was dead, but just that she wouldn't be able to find it and she'd say "oh, it's early" and I'd have to say "no, I need an u/s now. this minute." It took (what seemed like) forever. She had to go get a different doppler b/c the one she was using was too staticky. Then even when she found it, I couldn't hear it b/c my heart was beating so fast. She went between mine and the baby's a few times and then I could hear it.

My doppler came over the weekend. I tried it on Monday and was pretty sure I heard the hb. I tried it this morning and was almost positive I found it.

NT tomorrow at Steiger's.
My NT scan is tomorrow.

Josh said, "Short notice."
If they had asked me to build a time machine and come in a week ago, I would've agreed.

So I then I tried my doppler. Found what I think was the baby's heartbeat.

Took a shower and cried and cried.

All I could think was "I don't want to cremate another baby."