Many of us ask "When will I find peace with my decision?"
I made the best decision I could for that baby with the information I had at that time.
A different baby, a different situation, maybe a different choice.
That's as close as I can get to peace.
I don't believe that she was nothing more than "a clump of cells," some sort of pre-person. She lived inside me. She was my baby, my daughter. But now she's gone. Gone. I don't believe that she lives on. We will not meet again in this world or another. She is not waiting for me somewhere out there.
If I could go back somehow and un-conceive her, never know her, would I?
On one hand, everything I experience is valuable to me.
And I love her. She existed and I won't forget her.
But if she hadn't? Could I have conceived a healthy baby later? I would've loved some other not-dead baby in just the same way and not had my heart broken. Maybe now I'd be 7 1/2 months pregnant with a living baby instead of 8 1/2 months pregnant with a baby who's not here anymore.
