How can I explain it? It's like having a second pulse. She's gone, she's gone, it says. It's like being pregnant with loss instead of my baby. Something else is living inside me. Something is consuming me.
Yesterday at the Farmer's Market with Mischa.
I should be huge. I should be hugely pregnant. Waddling around with my tomatoes and bread. Instead I'm buying fresh flowers. Because I like to keep some next to my baby's urn.
I missed my exit on the way to playgroup. It's okay. The usual drive is all billboards for Forest Lawn and spines. Some kind of spinal surgery center. One of them has a giant spine sticking out the top of it.
