I discovered that I was pregnant on March 13th. We were getting ready to go to San Diego for Jake's birthday party and I still hadn't gotten my period, so I decided to take another test. I'd taken one about a week earlier. It had been negative and I had been relieved. I wasn't quite ready to be pregnant. Next month would be better and I wanted a December baby, anyway.
So this test was positive. I started crying and went out to the kitchen where Josh was making Mischa's breakfast. I asked if he wanted to have a baby. He didn't understand why I was crying - he said he thought we were trying to have another. I hadn't been taking my prenatals very often, so I took two.
By the time we got to the party I was feeling better. I wanted to tell Nichol but there were too many people around.
We went to Plymouth for Easter when I was 8 weeks. The week before I started feeling some morning sickness. The day we got to Plymouth was the first day I threw up. I told my mom I was pregnant while we were there. She didn't say much at the time but a few weeks later she posted something on facebook and I knew she was getting excited.
I had an appt. with the NP at 12 weeks. Josh and Mischa went with me to hear the heartbeat for the first time. Mischa cried. I think it scared her.
My next appt. was at 16 weeks and I saw the Dr. This is the appt. where I declined the AFP test. I heard the heartbeat again.
I scheduled my ultrasound for 20 weeks and we would have an appt. with the NP right after. The NP appt. was for 2:20 but she didn't come in until 2:40. When she finally came in she said, "Sorry, sorry, sorry" for being late, I guess. And then she told us there was a problem with some of the measurements. A disparity between the size of the body and the size of the head and she would send us for another ultrasound. But it was probably nothing. The baby was moving a lot and the tech couldn't get good measurements. It was probably nothing. So we listened to the heartbeat. It sounded good, she said. As I was getting up she looked at me very seriously and repeated what she'd said about a disparity and it was this moment of seriousness that made me scared later.
We scheduled our next appt. and got the number to schedule the ultrasound with the specialist. I called when we got home and they gave me an appt. for the next day.
I started crying when we were getting ready for dinner. I remember saying to Josh, "I'm scared."
That night, when I was laying with Mischa, the baby was kicking so much. I thought, "What could be wrong with a baby that could kick so much?"
The next morning we dropped Mischa off with Liz. I didn't want to take her for a lot of reasons. One being that it would another boring wait, this time at the hospital, and I thought it would be too hard for her. This is the reason I gave Josh. The other reason was that I wanted both of us to be able to give the doctor our full attention in case something was wrong. And I didn't want her there if something was really wrong.
I had bought a few things for the baby. A onesie that said "Born in 2010" because Mischa had one that said "Born in 2008." A cream-colored SwaddleMe. I found the cute little deer blanket that I wanted to buy when I was pregnant with Mischa and figured out which set it matched. I was actually thinking about getting a crib and changing table. I was looking at double strollers and car seats. I ordered a cute little crocheted deer from Lauren.
I had some things that I was planning to make. A crocheted hat and blanket. A sling - charcoal and then I would get pink or blue rings for it. Cute little burp cloths.
I had started going through my baby stuff. Making lists of things I needed.
Now I'm going to make a tiny blanket with the rest of the monkey fabric I used for her blanket. And I don't know if I'll use the yarn I bought or not.
