I feel the same as if she would've died at birth. As if she would've died during surgery. But there is no scenario in my mind that does not include Spina Bifida.

I had thought about Thanksgiving and Christmas. That maybe we would just have Thanksgiving at home. At Christmas we would go to Wildlights and the baby would only be a month and half old. I had thought about taking Mischa to the zoo and having my little baby on my chest.

I kept telling Josh that the baby was his birthday present. That maybe she would be born on his birthday.